(no subject)

[ewt]

Okay, I have a hypothesis about caffeine and being awake and concentration and motivation. I struggle quite a bit with concentration and motivation.

I have a certain amount of concentration. Some things can make this go up or down. Eating properly is +2, not sleeping enough is about -5, appropriate exercise is +3, dehydration is -8, and so on. Things that are established habits carry more weight - so if I'm always dehydrated that's more like -10, if I always don't sleep enough that's -7, but if I always eat properly then I'm looking at +4 and if I exercise regularly it's something like +5. Different tasks (practising, academic work, teaching, general life maintenance) require different amounts of concentration, and again whether they are routine affects the numbers. I might need concentration of +15 to play in a concert but only +8 to practise and +12 to teach (yes, teaching is tiring). Practising gets easier if it's done every day, especially if it's at roughly the same time.

I have a certain amount of motivation. It, too, is affected by some thigns I can control. Doing the + things requires more motivation if they are not routine habits, so if I have fuck-all routine, motivation plummets and concentration goes with it.

Caffeine can help me be awake and concentrate, but it steals the concentration from later. Caffeine now, brainlessness later, guaranteed.

Furthermore, caffeine can only steal concentration from so far ahead - say, two or three days. If I have no concentration left for that time (having used it up through either concentrating or not doing enough + activities), I will be awake but hypervigilant and jittery instead of alert and focused. It's not fun.

Caffeine has no effect on motivation. It doesn't make me want to do things more, it doens't make me care more or be less afraid of getting things wrong.

This is mostly why I don't use caffeine much. "Do stupid things faster with more energy!"

Some days I have good motivation but very little concentration; other days concentration is okay, but motivation is crap, so I end up writing long internet posts or doing tasks which require concentration but are actually quite irrelevant to my current goals.

I might write this out into a much better system at some point. The numbers are somewhat arbitrary at the moment but I think it might actually be worthwhile to put some time and thought into better approximations - so that when I'm sitting around thinking "I should really go for a run, but can't be bothered," I can tell myself "Running will bring me a +3 in concentration and a +2 in motivation, which will feel a lot better than right now." If things are quantified, even if the quantities aren't exact, it might be easier for me to get moving.

And yes, some days I wake up and roll a 2 and it's all I can do to get to class. And other days I roll a 10 and get really rather a lot done, because I have it in me to do things that will further my concentration and motivation, as well as Stuff That Needs Doing.

The reason I need to establish a good routine is so that on the days when I roll a 2, I can get it up to, say, 8 or 9 simply by doing what I'd do any other day. Currently when I roll a 2 I might be able to get it up to about a 5... not enough to practise, not enough to do some of the things that will make the day easier. More often, I let dehydration, sloth, inappropriate feeding and so on creep in and end up at about -10, which takes a day or two to recover from.

Does this make any sense at all to anyone but me?

Comments

[elmyra.livejournal.com]

I gave up caffeine at work about 5 or 5 years ago (almost accidentally). Then a year or two later I gave up coffee alltogether, as I rather overdid it whilst revising for an exam (I used to sit in a coffee shop all day and do my revision). I've just got back into drinking coffee - but decaf only, as caffeine now does some highly amusing but not always very pleasant things to me.

[yady.livejournal.com]

It makes a lot of sense to me. I have more to say but am at work and hideously unfocused so it will have to wait.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

It's like the spoons theory, only factoring in ways to give yourself more spoons.

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

*nod*

Quite.

One of the things that always bugged me about the spoon theory is the implication that there is nothing one can do to increase spoons. Okay, there will be days where I start so far behind I'll never catch up, but there will also be days where I have just enough spoons to do some spoon-acquisition. This may be slow at first but it is still better than nothing.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

I think it's because the spoon theory is mostly meant to apply to serious longterm physical illness that depletes energy; for instance, there is very little Liz, with her fibromyalgia, can do by way of spoon-acquisition, whereas there's quite a few things I can do just with some careful spoon-husbandry.

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

*nod*

Having chronic illness means your dice only goes up to maybe 4. You never get to roll a 10 and sometimes you roll a blank.

I think depression is very much a mental aspect of the same thing. I don't think I've rolled higher than about 6 in years. But there are also people who don't get much above 2. There are people who don't get much above 1 but then start rolling consistent 9 or above when they finally find the right drugs. There are people who roll 1 some days and about 60 on other days, with the result that their capabilities are wildly inconsistent.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

Yup. Until I hit the right combination of meds, I was one of those latter people; "60" days were great, but all too often I'd hit a stream of "1" days.

At the moment I'm completely off meds, so we'll see how things go. At the moment I seem to be pretty functional, thankfully.

Generally seems to work for me.

[pplfichi.livejournal.com]

I know that caffeine can't help help me if I can't concentrate to start of with - I just lose all patience and end up irritable and bitchy - but it can help me concentrate for a lot longer if i can. If I overdo it I will be forced into spending time recovering. The recovery from overdoing things applies to lots of stuff like energy and concentration. And concentration can be improved by doing plus things in your analogy.

Motivation is much harder to logically pin down. The obvious pluses and minuses work well at times and not at all at others. Meds make it far more likely to be logical, however.

I wonder how different the numbers would be for different people. I know that not eating is far more likely to affect me then anything else, say.

[yellowrocket.livejournal.com]

Coffee has one of two effects on me and it is impossible to predict which one I will get each time:
Effect 1: Spend several hours rushing around completely wired
Effect 2: Crash out within 30 minutes or so.
Occasionally I'm not affected by it at all, but that's pretty rare.

Funny stuff, coffee. Still, decaf. is worse if only because of the highly dodgy decaf. process so I tend to stick to tea :-)

[powershutdown.livejournal.com]

Makes sense to me! I am just trying to find ways to motivate myself to write. Of course I didnt sleep quite enough so thought checking my friends page first was a good idea. A points system would be useful.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh child of mine.... it does make a lot of sense to me, as everyday I fight procrastination for want of not being able to perform said tasks I should be doing. I just have never thought of it in terms of numbers, only a good day or a bad day or a so-so day. So, I have become quite a creature of habit, therefore enabling me to do many brainless, but necessary activities such as going to work when I don't feel like it, preparing meals (now much easier as I am completely in the nest by myself), doing laundry, etc. etc. Now, being alone, I find that those tasks are much faster and easier to do, and find myself doing some of the things I like, therefore feeling accomplishment in many areas, although right now work is a bitch and I don't want to be here! Anyway I must! Oh good creature of Habit!
love
Mummy

[hopeevey.livejournal.com]

This make a lot of sense. I'm glad you posted it - remembering that I'll have more concentration and motivation when I do the self care things I'm not always inclined to do will help me actually do them, and make them habitual.

I like the idea that one can botch ones starting-the-day roll. It'll help me remember that it's not that I'm a horrible person - I just rolled poorly this morning, and will need to load up on positive modiiers :)