It is so difficult to tell when a disease causes a lifestyle and when a lifestyle causes a disease. The lines are so blurry that I'm not sure if they are even there sometimes.
Life is full of choices about when to go to bed, when to rest, when to play, when to work, and other random things about... well, how to live life.
Perhaps it is just me being nostalgic, but I feel like there are so many more options now than there once were... I do not have to get married to support myself, or learn my mother's or father's trade... I do not have to work on a farm from dawn until dusk, I can do anything I want and have any lifestyle I want. This freedom is great, in many ways... but freedom requires awareness. Everything I do has an effect on my wellbeing, and it is easy to get caught up in the whirlwind and ignore any semblance of balance. It is easy to start eating crap again, or getting less exercise than I need, or stay up too late and suffer sleep-deprivation, without realising that I am choosing to do these things. I am tired because I choose to live in such a way that I am tired. That doesn't make my tiredness less valid, but it makes it a little more fair (what isn't fair is that different people have different capabilities). It does help to realise why I am tired, so I can decide whether it is worth it.
I see a lot of people who subject themselves to great stress and strain, and then wander around wondering why they are so stressed and strained. I see people who do not sleep enough and do not treat their bodies or their minds with respect and care and then wonder why the stress of their day job is too much for them to handle, or why they cannot concentrate. I see people who allow themselves to worry to the point that they are physically incapacitated, and don't realise that there is any alternative.
I count myself among all of the above, by the way. I've done all of those things, and will probably continue to do most of them in one way or another.
I am more and more coming to the conclusion that people who do these things are not necessarily stupid, not necessarily 'gluttons for punishment' or seeking attention or drama, but rather just blissfully unaware of the link between their decisions and the results.
To this end I am attempting to be more aware of my choices and their impact. I'm trying to find a balance between short-term gratification and long-term gain (this does not work when my serotonin is low, incidentally). I'm trying to find a balance between perfectionism and apathy. I'm trying to observe everything I do without value judgements, see what the actual results of my actions are, before I decide whether those actions are worth it.
To do this completely objectively is probably impossible, but that's okay. It still helps, and it causes me a lot less pain than many other methods of trying to cope with life in general.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2003-09-02 05:00 am (UTC)Life is full of choices about when to go to bed, when to rest, when to play, when to work, and other random things about... well, how to live life.
Perhaps it is just me being nostalgic, but I feel like there are so many more options now than there once were... I do not have to get married to support myself, or learn my mother's or father's trade... I do not have to work on a farm from dawn until dusk, I can do anything I want and have any lifestyle I want. This freedom is great, in many ways... but freedom requires awareness. Everything I do has an effect on my wellbeing, and it is easy to get caught up in the whirlwind and ignore any semblance of balance. It is easy to start eating crap again, or getting less exercise than I need, or stay up too late and suffer sleep-deprivation, without realising that I am choosing to do these things. I am tired because I choose to live in such a way that I am tired. That doesn't make my tiredness less valid, but it makes it a little more fair (what isn't fair is that different people have different capabilities). It does help to realise why I am tired, so I can decide whether it is worth it.
I see a lot of people who subject themselves to great stress and strain, and then wander around wondering why they are so stressed and strained. I see people who do not sleep enough and do not treat their bodies or their minds with respect and care and then wonder why the stress of their day job is too much for them to handle, or why they cannot concentrate. I see people who allow themselves to worry to the point that they are physically incapacitated, and don't realise that there is any alternative.
I count myself among all of the above, by the way. I've done all of those things, and will probably continue to do most of them in one way or another.
I am more and more coming to the conclusion that people who do these things are not necessarily stupid, not necessarily 'gluttons for punishment' or seeking attention or drama, but rather just blissfully unaware of the link between their decisions and the results.
To this end I am attempting to be more aware of my choices and their impact. I'm trying to find a balance between short-term gratification and long-term gain (this does not work when my serotonin is low, incidentally). I'm trying to find a balance between perfectionism and apathy. I'm trying to observe everything I do without value judgements, see what the actual results of my actions are, before I decide whether those actions are worth it.
To do this completely objectively is probably impossible, but that's okay. It still helps, and it causes me a lot less pain than many other methods of trying to cope with life in general.